[vc_row u_row_style=”1″ lms_row_has_bk_offset=”0″ lms_row_bk_columns_offset=”0″ u_row_enrollment_restriction=”0″][vc_column width=”1\/12″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-2 vc_hidden-xs”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”5\/6″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-8″ el_class=”head-post”][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n
By Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche \u2022 5 min read[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text el_class=”sharepost”]\n\t\t\t\t
SHARE:\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/i><\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/i><\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/i><\/a>\n\t<\/p>[\/vc_column_text][vc_btn title=”TRY FOR FREE” style=”outline” color=”peacoc” align=”left” el_class=”btn-post” link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fjoy.tergar.org%2Fjoy-of-living%2F||target:%20_blank|”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/12″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-2 vc_hidden-xs”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row u_row_style=”1″ lms_row_has_bk_offset=”0″ lms_row_bk_columns_offset=”0″ u_row_enrollment_restriction=”0″][vc_column width=”1\/12″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-2 vc_hidden-xs”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”5\/6″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-8″][vc_column_text el_class=”subtittle-open-post”]<\/p>\n As we know, personal relationships<\/a> can get stuck in an unhealthy pattern. Someone raises their voice in anger at you, and even though you don\u2019t want to, you react by lashing out with cruel words. Of course, you want to change this reaction. To do this, you need to rely on the basic practices of awareness, love and compassion, and wisdom.<\/p>\n I have given many teachings on how to do different types of awareness meditations<\/a>. Awareness of the breath, of sounds, of sensations of the body, mental recitation, and open awareness meditation.\u00a0 If you get into the habit of automatically doing these meditations throughout the day, you\u2019ll have an easier time catching yourself before you mindlessly react to a provocation. And as soon as you catch yourself in a bad habit, you begin to truly liberate yourself.<\/p>\n Of course, you\u2019re not going to be free of all your reactive tendencies within a few days \u2014 the bad habit will come up again and again. But each time that feeling comes, you try to just watch it with awareness. You observe the sensations in your body, the images that arise, the beliefs and voices in your mind. But it\u2019s not like trying to hunt down every bad habit and kill it. It\u2019s more like catching a butterfly in a net and then letting it go \u2013 it\u2019s just catching, observing, letting go. Eventually, this practice will really transform you.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/12″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-2 vc_hidden-xs”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row u_row_style=”1″ lms_row_has_bk_offset=”1″ lms_row_bk_columns_offset=”0″ u_row_enrollment_restriction=”0″][vc_column lms_has_clearfix=”0″][vc_single_image image=”109666″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1673342714670{padding-top: 30px !important;padding-bottom: 30px !important;}” el_class=”hidden-xs”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row u_row_style=”1″ lms_row_has_bk_offset=”0″ lms_row_bk_columns_offset=”0″ u_row_enrollment_restriction=”0″][vc_column width=”1\/12″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-2 vc_hidden-xs”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”5\/6″ lms_has_clearfix=”0″ offset=”vc_col-lg-8″][vc_column_text el_class=”subtittle-open-post” css=”.vc_custom_1673371339982{padding-bottom: 40px !important;}”]<\/p>\n Now, I\u2019d like to share a story that some of you have heard me tell before. This is a true story. Years ago, there was a husband and a wife whose marriage was in a lot of trouble. The main problem was that the husband always wanted to control everything, and the wife was always worrying about every little thing.\u00a0 From the moment they woke up until the time they went to bed, they bickered and argued. They were really suffering. So they came to me, hoping that I could give them some type of blessing that would instantly remove their relationship problems. When\u00a0 I broke the news to them that I didn\u2019t have that kind of power, they were a bit disappointed, but they said, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ll take anything you can give us — just please help us.\u201d<\/p>\n So I gave them an instruction: \u201cFrom today, I want you to spend some time every day discussing positive things about one another. Each of you should try to appreciate qualities about the other, and express gratitude about it for half an hour, every day. Then come back and tell me how it\u2019s going.\u201d<\/p>\n A few weeks later, they came back, and they were like, \u201cOh, no, half an hour is impossible!\u201d They had tried to follow my advice, but every time they\u2019d begun to discuss each other\u2019s positive qualities, it quickly degenerated into \u201c\u2026 But then you do this, and it drives me crazy!\u201d They were feeling like they couldn\u2019t find much good to say, and the half hour seemed super long for them.<\/p>\n So I told them, \u201cOkay, I will give you a discount. It’s not going to be half an hour anymore \u2013 only five minutes.\u201d They were very happy with that discount, saying that yes, they could manage a five-minute discussion.<\/p>\n This time, a year went by before they came back to meet with me again. And when they did, they said a half an hour wasn\u2019t enough! Because five minutes was easy, they had begun to find themselves discussing each other\u2019s positive qualities in more depth. And they\u2019d come to realize that actually, they liked each other, they loved each other, and they had kindness and caring for each other.<\/p>\n At the same time, they had really tried to understand one another. Both of them had their own specific, idiosyncratic personalities \u2013 and you know, sometimes a personality can\u2019t simply change. But they\u2019d begun to accept that they both had\u00a0 personalities, and then they added humor to it. They even gave themselves special nicknames. So in their household,\u00a0 the husband\u2019s new name was \u201cControl Freak,\u201d and the wife\u2019s new name was \u201cWorrywart.\u201d The husband would return from a long day announcing, \u201cThe most controlling person in the world has come home!\u201d And the wife would reply, \u201cThe most anxious person in the world welcomes you!\u201d<\/p>\n What a wonderful improvement! This couple really tried to be more kind with each other, and learn and grow from one another \u2013 the \u201cpeaceful and enriching\u201d activities I talked about in Part 1 of this article. The more they did this, the more they inspired one another. They also created better boundaries and rules within the relationship, the \u201cpowerful\u201d activity I explained about in Part 1<\/a>. This was a really positive change.<\/p>\nIt all comes down to being aware<\/b><\/h3>\n
Mr. Control Freak and Mrs. Worrywart<\/b><\/h3>\n